Case #9875061 – May 23rd, 11:32 AM. Suspect is a blonde woman over the age of thirty. She identifies herself as Sunny Lane and is filed in our Must Implement Liberal Frisking (MILF) category. Upon detainment, she informs the Officer that she has a piercing in her intimate region, which might cause the metal detector to go off. The Officer proceeds to conduct a search regardless of the suspect’s warnings, discovering that the suspect has hidden a valuable pocket watch in her panties. The rest of this case is classified.